I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
