Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
