I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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