She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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