Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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