RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
