put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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