I showed him my bush... on skype.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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