Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
