my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
