Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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