Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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