I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
