They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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