I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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