The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
