I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
