At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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