the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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