You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
