currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't put those talents on a resume
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
