Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He better not be in your backpack
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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