There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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