my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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