I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
