4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
