Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
