He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
