K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i came on her dog
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
