He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
