Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There are leaves in my underwear?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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