I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
