So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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