and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
