was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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