but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
