today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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