Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my sisters under your porch take her home
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
