the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
