i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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