Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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