I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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