I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
