we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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