so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
