Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
