After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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