You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
