where am i from again
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
