Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
