your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
